After the Madness Workshop – E1
It’s here! The After the Madness has begun! We have two great entries today. Here’s how it’ll work. I’ll post (along with Brenda Drake, YAtopia, and Shelley Watters) two entries per day until we’ve reached fifteen each. There was no rhyme or reason for who got which entries, so make sure to check all four blogs for yours! For those that are here to critique, have a great time! This is an open forum and we welcome opinions. It isn’t easy to put your stuff out there so, kudos to all of you who entered! I hope we can help ;o)
Let’s do this!
Entry E1 – Susan Bailey
The German Damned dictated the no-kill order. Is this more than one person? Can a whole group of people dictate something? Is this his name? He was explicit. He wasn’t explicit about why. Why they wanted this girl alive—why they wanted her at all. Who was she? Tam wondered what she’d gotten herself into for Hell to set such a high price on her head. But before he could speculate about the girl’s sordid business, an alarm suddenly clanged. The ghastly caterwauling ripped through the gilt chamber, creating turmoil.
Tam scanned the room, choking on the sulfurous air. The Damned who’d been explaining
the no-kill order looked in trepidation to his masters. A no-kill order was unprecedented in Hell. LOVE this line!
This is intriguing, but confusing. I think we need a description of the girl or if she’s in the room. I don’t get an idea of the surroundings. Just a few details could bring us into the world. It’s Hell. Show us what it’s like. Why does Tam not like to get involved with Hell? What is he to the Damned? Just a sentence of why or who he is may make it less confusing. It’s very interesting and I would read more!
So what do you think? Any suggestions?