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After the Madness Workshop (Mad Hatter Style)- E12


The Madness continues! We have two more great entries today. To be honest, I’m so tired of seeing that After the Madness pic, I decided to bring the MAD into the After the MADness Workshop! Tea anyone?

Here’s how this workshop works. I’ll post (along with Brenda DrakeYAtopia, and Shelley Watters) two entries per day until we’ve reached fifteen each. There was no rhyme or reason for who got which entries, so make sure to check all four blogs for yours! For those that are here to critique, have a great time! This is an open forum and we welcome opinions. It isn’t easy to put your stuff out there so, kudos to all of you who entered! I hope we can help ;o)

250 words

Entry E12 – Lauren Harris

Princess Arianna of Rizellen smiled from her saddle and fought the urge to hurl her Threshing-mark not sure what this is, but it’s a cool sentence! I’m picturing something horse related? into the court physician’s face. Gratifying as it would have been to see rivulets of brilliant dye wash away his condescension, Arianna didn’t need a graybeard with sheep-intestine tangled in his whiskers adding “fits of violent madness” to the many reasons Queen Ammaya shouldn’t name her heir apparent. I love the voice here, but I don’t know what a graybeard is? I’m seriously feeling inadequate right now. LOL. Careful with your words, make sure we’ll all know what they are ;o)

I don’t think you need a new paragraph. Besides, even if her mother took her side in matters of succession, the second Arianna let fly, Queen Ammaya would send her straight to the Five Sisters’ temple to pray for more sense. And after half a season chained to a sickbed, Arianna refused to forfeit this chance to tear through the wind on horseback just because some graybeard insisted she was weak.

“…considering your highness’s recent poor health, the councilors agree a lighter missile is necessary,” said Goat-face. Arianna didn’t bother to dredge up his name. The leech-herder stood before the palfreys, head cranked back to stare down his nose at Princess, Queen, and Lady riders.

Arianna’s fingers clenched around the Threshing-mark. It should have been plum-sized, instead it felt no bigger than the pit. It was closer in size to a real Mark, but that was shallow comfort. Rizellen hadn’t seen a Markmaster as heir in more than a century, and would no doubt have ignored her flat chest, slim hips, and propensity for headaches if she had a real Mark fused into her “fragile” body. But it wasn’t a real Mark. It would do her no good.

This is really good writing, but there are a few words I didn’t know. I’m sure most readers will know, but you have to make sure you describe it better for those of us *cough* me that don’t ;o) Great start. I love the voice and the story!

Happy Saturday!!

<3 Erica

3 Responses to “After the Madness Workshop (Mad Hatter Style)- E12”

  1. Thanks a lot for the critique, Erica! I appreciate it. 🙂

  2. SueJay says:

    I actually don’t know what a lot of those words are either, but I think I understand what’s going on, and I’d definitely keep reading until I figured it out, because I love the voice, and the attitude of your protagonist.

    Maybe there’s a way to reword the sentences that come after your first sentence so it’s clearer that the Threshingmark is an intestine filled with dye, and the physician is a bearded old man examining her fitness for inheritance.

    I really like it a lot, though. Good luck!

  3. My pleasure, Lauren! It’s a great start ;o)

    SueJay! Whew. I thought it was just me. LOL Thanks for stopping by ;o)

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